New Indiana Jones Fails, But Not Because Of Harrison Ford

By Bob Garver

            Indiana Jones.  The name conjures up memories of arguably the biggest franchise of the 80s.  Raiders of the Lost Ark, Temple of Doom, and The Last Crusade were enormous successes in their day.  The adventures of the fedora-wearing archeologist with a knack for finding treasure and trouble made over $150 million each.  Now creators Steven Spielberg and George Lucas have decided to add another installment with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  It is sure to make a boatload of money, perhaps more than any other film in the franchise.  But I’m afraid to say that its quality does not justify its inevitable box office haul.  Why can’t this film live up to the standards set by a series whose last installment was over twenty years ago? 

           Maybe the problem with the film lies with its star, Harrison Ford.  After all, most of the questions surrounding the film all seem to concern his advancing age.  Can he still be a convincing action hero?  Is his body too frail to cope with the physical demands of the role?  Has he retained his quick wit?  Can he still woo the ladies?  As he fights off a hoard of bad guys in the film’s first five minutes, we know the answers:  yes, no, yes, and I can’t speak to the last one but probably yes.  Harrison Ford is still tough, cool, and funny enough to play Indiana Jones. 

           Ford isn’t the problem with the movie.  Maybe Shia LaBeouf is.   I didn’t much care for him in Transformers (I wanted to see more of the titular robots).  Now he’s showing up in a franchise with a rich history to protect.  Even riskier is putting him in a role that has ruined many a franchise:  the role of the sidekick.  Usually, once the filmmaker decides to add a sidekick, it means that the hero has grown stale and the franchise is finished. 

           But actually, LaBeouf isn’t bad at all in the film.  He plays Mutt, a kid with a murky background, whose mother and father figure Professor “Ox” Oxley (John Hurt) have been kidnapped.  That’s father figure, not father.  His father was killed in a war.  Or not.  Mutt needs Indy to help get the man back.  A good portion of the film is devoted to this mission.  Mutt wants so badly to be tough guy, borrowing his image from James Dean and early Brando.  But he can’t quite pull it off, and his bravado often gets the best of him.  This is not to paint him as a whiny comic foil.  Mutt is, if anything, a student.  He learns a lot from Indy in the course of the movie, and not all of it has to do with archeology. 

  
          Ford and LaBeouf are in the clear, maybe the problem with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is with its villain, Cate Blanchett.  She isn’t terribly threatening, physically.  And her acting is sometimes considered over the top.  Heck, sometimes it’s so over the top, she can’t even see the top from where her acting is. 

           But neither of these are bad for Indiana Jones movies.  The villains are never physical threats, they’re usually pretty good at delegating the dirty work.  As for the acting, these aren’t the kind of movies that need to be realistic.  Spirits and curses are a part of this world.  Blanchett’s acting is not going to be the thing that overrides your suspension of disbelief.  Just don’t hold your breath waiting for her to utter “Moose and Squirrel” with her Ukrainian accent. 

           Blanchett plays Irina Spalko, a prominent Communist scientist.  The first three Indiana Jones movies took place in the 30s and 40s and had Nazis as their villains.  This one takes place in the 50s, its villains are Commies.  Spalko has kidnapped Ox and Mutt’s mother.  She tricks Mutt and Indy into retrieving a mysterious crystal skull which gives its holder telekinetic powers.  She gets her hands on the skull, but soon finds that it isn’t terribly powerful by itself.  But it does lead to a temple where there are more crystal skulls and untold power and riches waiting to be claimed for whoever returns the missing skull.  The rest of the movie is Indy, Mutt, Ox, and Mutt’s mother trying to stop Spalko and the rest of the evil Commies from getting into the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Or at least getting there first. 

           So far so good.  Ford is still killer as Indy.  LaBeouf doesn’t ruin things as the sidekick.  Blanchett is an ideal villain.  A familiar character from the Indiana Jones universe surprises the audience by showing up as Mutt’s mother (she’s also quick to clear up the identity of Mutt’s father).  There’s plenty of setup for adventure an excitement.  An early action sequence in a warehouse is a great promise of things to come.  The music is as stirring as ever.  How does this movie become such a failure on a creative level? 

            I blame the aliens. 

           There are aliens in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Phony-looking, CGI aliens. There is a place for supernatural elements in this world.  But aliens?  Especially the ones in this movie?  Come on.  Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is directed by Steven Spielberg, who has a mixed track record including aliens in his films.  Close Encounters of the Third Kind and E.T. are classics.   But he’s been struggling lately with the lukewarm receptions for War of the Worlds and A.I.  It looks like he keeps trying to recapture the magic of his former blockbusters and growing increasingly frustrated with each failure.  Which is why we have disappointing efforts like this. 

           
         It’s not just the aliens that cause problems for this movie.  The special effects are just lousy in general.  The opening chase and early excavation sequences aren’t so bad.  But the seams start to show during a car chase through the jungle.  And continue through the climactic temple sequence.  There’s one scene at the end where the temple itself morphs into something else that is so inauthentic you wonder how it was allowed in the movie at all.